Hello fellow consultants, my wife of 15 years suddenly got caught by me having an affair, and has moved out to be with the other man, citing a lack of attention and no emotional connection.Also left me with two kids and two houses. Bonus I supposeAnyway , the fruit of my efforts are two large projects one closed off succesfully and one just signed.Now as i have extra childcare and debts it looks like im about to live off beans and shoot my credit rating.Now I have reasons why I should have a wage rise1. Im below median level2. I can quantify my worth3. I am a key person on the new projectUnfortunateley1. I work for Big Blue2. They quote recession as a good reason to shaft everyone right now including stopping my pensionCan i have your thoughtsWould it be better to ask NOW when the new project is starting quoting my reasons and the fact that with no wife I actually NEED this.Or better to wait till im IN the thick of it then ask.I have key skills on this project and a lot of the design and decision is in my head, not paper.Really need some good advice here, head is a complete mess.Cheers, P

Dear P,I am the king of salary increases (really - its my main skill in life!) As you have been left with two kids to look after, I'm happy to offer any advice that might help.Number one - your leverage is actually very little at the moment because much of it is based on your personal circumstances (moral high ground but not your companies responsibility) and your involvement in setting up new deals that are now signed (too late to influence)I suggest you radically need to improve your leverage in this way.1) Identify who in your management structure is capable of approving a salary increase.2) send out a courtesy e-mail to your boss (if that is the person), or to your boss, the salary person, and a few other managers that you work with (if your boss is not the salary person). Give them a "heads up" on your personal situation, pointing out that it is a bit embarrassing and you would rather not let everyone know, but as you obviously have some work to do to keep your children emotionally stable and looked after, you hope that will not make any negative imnpact on your performance, timekeeping etc.. DO NOT MENTION MONEY AT THIS POINT.3) Start on the project where you are a key person and make yourself as key as possible, even if that means taking on more than you normally would.4) Interview for a more junior job in your very local area, where the salary is lower than your currently earn. Go to the interview and ideally get an offer.5) Be a few hours late to work one day. Preferably missing a semi-important meeting (but not a really big one!). 6) Search out your manager and apologise for the lateness. Tell them you had a problem with child care because you're currently relying on friends and family and other non-relaible sources of help. "Come clean" that things are so bad that you're looking at taking a LESS well paid job, just because it is more local/less time at work/etc. Tell them its not what you want, but as you assume there is no chance of any extra cash to cover child care costs, it something you're having to consider.7) Any decent manager at any decent company will look at what can be done to help you out. Treat this as an opening. Suggest that the only other things that would work would be if you could work from home more (which I presume would also help you), or could be sure of some extra cash to pay for proper child care.8) Wait for them to bite - they will if you are as key as you think you are.FYI- I hope you are aware that child care fees are tax deductable as long as they are paid by your employer through a child care voucher scheme. You can claim up to £55 a week in this manner, so BB would not even need to pay employers NI or tax on the first £2500 of the raise as long as you do pay it into child care. All large companies already have these vouchers schemes in place.I know this all sounds really sneaky, but frankly you come across as a nice guy who's good at his job and maybe needs to be temporarily more demanding from his employer.I am of course completely ignoring the question "do you want her back", cos that woud probably be best achieved by detaching yourself from work and not focussing on salary at all. I have no advice whatseover to give on that!!!!Good luck.

P.S. just in case it wasn't obvious, the previous advice is satirical. I take no responsibility for anyone foolish enough to follow it.

Imposter! You are not the King of Raises! My advice was not satirical and stands as a true genius way to get a raise.

hi there - sorry to hear of your situation.Can I ask how you caught your wife cheating? When you approached her, what was the reason for her cheating?Finally, how easily did she agree to letting you have custody of the kids? It is this point that bugs me the most - I can't fathom how a mother can just leave her children like that - how old are they?

I got back after a long assignment (16+ hours a day even when working from home) and noticed her beaviour had changed, then the mobile phone bill came in, and I thought 'weird'.Then I installed a keylogger on her laptop (Hacked the password with a bootcd) and got it to mail me the MSN chats.Once she came clean I thought, well its only going to happen again.And I own the house and everything else, so exactly where would the kids go?Funny thing is I feel a lot better, if you have someone in your life that quits when the going gets tough, then your best rid of them.Was I working 12 - 16 hours a day for me, no I was not.....Now I dont pay for clothes, holidays , cars and hairdos and get to choose a new model.Cant say its all bad.Just a bit pratted at the moment, probably go into some debt management plan as Big Blue now banning video conferencing due to cost, and no catering at internal events.I kid you not, this is not the time to stick your neck out here, thats whay i was after solid advice.Thanks anyway.

good on you mate.put it this way: i can guarantee you that she is burning up inside (if not now then sooner or later she will) because there is nothing more damaging for a female than to be deprived of access to her kids. She's letting the dust settle and getting over the shock of things, but trust me she's going to be a train wreck soon....As for jobs, well ask yourself (and make an excel spreadsheet to support this) how long you can continue what you are doing and still be in 'acceptable' debt. See that as your timer. I don't think you have anything to lose by asking for a pay rise (do it in the thick of the project when you become a scarce resource) - but I doubt you would get one.The market is better than it was a few months ago and things should start to pick up, so the longer you can stretch things out the better chance of an opening coming up. Eitherway, make sure a ton of recruiters have your CV to hand - let them do the running around.Finally, don't be too scared to get into debt - can you remortgage? with interest rates being relatively low, could be a good time to borrow some extra cash...

Sad story. Sadder still when you consider the reasoning provided for the break up was lack of attention and emotional connection. You would have thought all the effort you went to installing the keylogger and hacking the password would have proved just how much you cared. Women eh!Anyway, some great advice from Curious. Get your CV out to 100 recruiters. That's pretty much the smartest and most efficient way to get a new job. Recruiters love it when they all get the same CV at the same time. Its like a little challenge and they turn it into a competition to get you interviews. They much prefer that sort of thing to making placements and earning lots of commission. And of course everyone knows that low interest rates are a great motivation to re-mortgage - there are so many great re-mortgage deals around at the moment, particularly for people who are re-mortgaging a property where an estranged wife has a legal claim to half the value.BTW do tell how you've managed to get to the situation whereby you own the house(s) and everything else. I presume you are not living in the UK, US or any other western country? Otherwise your wife's lawyers might have something to say about who owns what.I was a bit confused actually - you wern't working 16 hours a day for yourself? Yet you own everything? Sounds like you were working 16 hours a day for yourself then?I'll sign off now, cos frankly the emotional coldness on this thread has come right through the screen and taken the heat out of my coffee.