Why do so many of my consultant colleagues have affairs - I am surrounded by people who cheat any chance they get - Its just pathetic!Does the job attract the type who love to cheat?I think I may have to consider a career change...

Simple answer - because they can as are unlikely to be caught out

I used to go drinkin with a colleague who cheated so regulary on his girlfriend that it got to be sickening. I soon stopped our nights out. I then ended up working with Graham recently on an FS project in Canary Wharf. The weird thing is I have met Ruth and it makes it hard to look her in the eye. Should I tell her? Does that make me a grass?

Depends on the firm – some have very much higher standards than others.When I worked for one of the big accounting firms many years ago, there were a number of partners in their defence practice who used to really “share the love” with female colleagues of all shapes and sizes. Inevitably, it was the women who were forced to leave as the gossip behind the partners’ latest conquest arose.To be fair, one of the partners finally got caught and has now been sidelined within the firm.I think this behaviour is a lot less common than it once was. It shows a complete lack of integrity in both parties involved in the triste. And it is ALWAYS the woman who will end up suffering

If she (Ruth) is your friend then Tell Her!

Remember thy commandment: thy shalt not sleep with next door neighbours wife.......yeah right. who am i kidding...i say go for it!To answer the question, its a combination of 2 factors:1. Because they can without getting caught2. Consultants spend so much time with each other, you will become very familiar with your colleagues lives whether you like it or not.3. Usually a high stress job and consultants seek immediate 'wins'. Professionally, their clients want quick wins after all- you know , put some runs on the board and all that...

Like moths to a flameand flies to sh*t...Scumbags are drawn to consultancy.

Their work in 'Defence' requires integrity, if they don't have that then their careers in the industry can be binned.. Well their clearances get revoked anyway (you lie to your wife so who else do you lie to? If someone blackmailed you over it would you come clean or pay off?).If you see that happening then inform the appropriate authority, in the appropriate manner, and let them answer. They won't necesarily lose their job but they've got to be prepared to come clean. If your sec department is any good they will be old hands at this stuff.

Surely we have to ask why there are so many women who'd be happy to sleep with someone they know is married or taken? (Or are we talking about those affairs where the guy pulls a relative stranger?)

It's impossible to generalise why people have affairs. The time away from home and close proximity to others will provide the opportunity and may act as a catalyst but I doubt they are the cause. I guess some people will have soemthing missing from their relationship, physical, emotional etc which they think can be filled by an affair, and I guess others, of lower character, will do it because they can and they want to.

Set up a hotmail account and release the info to the interested parties.We need to stamp down on this kind of thing.

Interesting point made about the defence partners and the security clearance implications. Hadn’t considered that.If it was a one off fling, that would be bad enough, but the chap involved had a whole string of affairs…Given that I no longer work for the consultancy involved, how would I inform the MOD clearance people about this guy’s behaviour? Is there a method to report this sort of thing. HR, in the consultancy involved, were well aware of what was going on, but were keen to turn a blind eye, so long as the big contracts were still rolling in.The irony of it is too, that he actually got an honour on the Queen’s New Years Honours list, while all this was going on.

Yes, basically consultancy attracts a certain type of man - arrogant, self assured, after 'quick wins', will stab you in the back to get to the top - and have as many affairs as he can along the way!Harsh but that is the reality for many (not all).

Ref defence and people to talk - get in touch with that company's security department, or, at a longshot the DVA.Up to you to be mature/sensible about the matter though.

'...will stab you in the back to get to the top'

In Consulting, we travel alot (as least in my case) and if we are not careful, we tend to lose the balance between our career and our family life. Job pressure plus extended time away from home can have disastrous impact on some. It will be very difficult balance your life when you spend so much time away from home especially for consulting jobs that require more than 3 days a week away from home. So evaluate your priorities and switch to a consulting job that allows you to be home a couple of nites per week.Good luck

Cy hit the nail on the head. It's about travel and the ease of having an affair when in a city where no one knows you. Perhaps this is a sign of weakness, but when you have a family at home that you love, you end up missing them a great deal when you are on the road. That loneliness is easily alleviated by an affair. Sometimes it's difficult to get over the guilt following the affair, but either you get used to the guilt, you simply prefer guilt to loneliness, or you become good at justifying your actions to your conscience.

Hey Seb ! Sounds like you’ve justified this in your own head. You don’t honestly care about your wife or your family, and are being completely selfish.Do you have any integrity at all?

Bes:Well I'm honestly not talking about myself but am merely putting myself in the cheater's shoes. It's usually possible to justify just about anything. Personally I understand that it's distasteful to boast about having affairs but the finger-pointing and judgment is also distasteful. Let morality remain up to the individual.

Bl**dy liberals.

“Let morality remain up to the individual”?!?!?!What utter tripe ! This is the sort of rubbish spouted by paedophiles, race hate killers, and other morally bankrupt individualsIf you have a spine of any sort – stand up for what you believe in. Affairs smash families – they are wrong. Anyone who engages in one, or defends it is a snake

Bl**dy conservatives!

now all we need is labour, who would want to get paid for it

I had an affiar with a consultant colleague - Its not worth I. When my wife looks at me now, I have a horrible feeling of guilt for what I have done!A Quick F can F-up a very decent marrage - dont be stupid and bring back go old workingclass morals - Labour people - leave the sleeze to the Torries and the like!!

"dont be stupid and bring back go old workingclass morals - Labour people - leave the sleeze to the Torries and the like!!"Have you not read a newspaper for the last 11 years... or maybe you've been living on a remote desert island?

When I worked at IBM, this sort of thing was so common and so public, that many of our clients used to query whether our company’s initials stood for “I’ve Been Married”, or “I’ve Bonked Many”I still don’t know the answer to that particular conundrum ...

LOL - IBM = 'I'VE BONKED MANY'! Love it!

is the prevalence of affairs because of the fact that women consultants are fit?

most of the are not "fit" but "fat" because of sitting around in client offices and while travelling, eating much of sweets :-)but anyway, male consultants do too...

It isn't just consultancy that breeds cheeters. I'm a lawyer and I could tell you the most wonderful stories about senior partners who've had numerous affairs with a string of secretaries, colleagues etc. In one particular instance the wife caught him and made a grand scene in the office in front of us all! It was so awful.I have a very attractive friend who is soon to begin her career as a consultant. I hope she doesn't get preyed on!

Tell her to watch out for dirty old men - esp partners and sr consultants!I am an attractive woman but it actually just gets annoying after a while - people need to remember to keep businss just that!

Buy you a coffee? ;)