Dear stupendously wealthy, intelligent consultants, I am applying to the above - please might you rate my chances?I have “great academics" Quadruple first in Politics, Mathematics, English and Breakdancing from Oxbridge (final mark: 100%). Having studied simultaneously at both Oxford and Cambridge, I was granted an exclusive, unprecedented, unique, world first, "true Oxbridge degree" with a ceremony conducted with both sets of Vice Chancellors and their families (and pets). I have great ECs, or "extra curriculars"I organised, hosted, fund raised and won the Oxford versus Cambridge annual boat race as a SOLO oarsman whilst competing in two boats. Elsewhere, I rejected Presidency of the Cambridge Union in favour of a short stint as President of Djibouti instead. I conceived, wrote and edited the brand new Oxbridge University Literature Magazine, in which I published three novels under various pseudonyms (including "Salman Rushdie”, “Ian McEwan” and “J.M. Coatzee”). I was the only student to ever be appointed Master of Christ's College whilst still an undergraduate, ousting the incumbent, who was only too happy to let me take the reins because of my superior intellect and personality. I have “great personals”My personal interests include making love to my wife, Shilpa Shetty, five times a day in 30 different positions, conducting solo space missions from my 50 000 acre Oxfordshire estate, reversing cancer (and sundry life threatening diseases) with my own homemade drugs, and wrestling polar bears in Canada. I am often mistaken as a dead ringer for the movie actor Johnny Depp. PS Having compared willy sizes with a measuring tape whilst wrestling the polar bears, it has come to my attention that mine is longer than that of fully grown adult.
