I want to put a load of meaningless psychobabble into an e-mail I'm writing. It's to an annoying little client to likes to act 'senior'. It does not matter if my e-mail gets forwarded on or anything like that. Long story. Any good lines?

Tell us what the key points are you want to make and we will be able to translate it for you into something babblish.

Too easy - you need to stipulate the general subject of the e-mail and nominate five random things that must be in the text.

Tell us what the key points are you want to make and we will be able to translate it for you into something babblish.

I would like to say the following, but to make it sound constructive/positive:1. You're an idiot2. You are incompetent3. I am competent and know what I'm doing4. The project is doing well, no thanks to you5. We all know you're trying to act senior, but you're not.

Dear Sir,For the avoidance of doubt I set out the following for your perusal:1. You're an idiot 2. You are incompetent 3. I am competent and know what I'm doing 4. The project is doing well, no thanks to you 5. We all know you're trying to act senior, but you're not.If I can assist you any further with regard to the above, please do not hesitate to get in touch.

Dear XXThank you for your recent comments and input into the project. As an external consultant one is often required to make rapid (and sometimes unfairly superficial) judgements as to the competency and skills of the permanent staff that we are here to support. It is always a relief when that initial judgement is proven to be accurate, so I was very happy to receive your comments.Without wishing to be falsely modest, I’ve been fortunate enough to work with some very strong teams on previous projects, which has greatly contributed to their successful delivery. Some of your suggestions were very useful in helping me imagine how this project might end as a spectacular failure and you can be assured that I’ll be applying great effort in avoiding any of those mistakes. At some previous clients I’ve been disappointed that only “senior” staff feel empowered to comment on projects. I’m delighted that at (insert client name) the culture is strong enough that staff at your level are included in this process. Realistically the input of senior stakeholders will continue to drive the project, but it’s important to be able to report to them that the grass roots of the company are being kept up to date with the project’s progress as we drive to a successful conclusion.------------------------------------------------------PS - I actually prefer Anonanon's suggestion above, which probably cannot be imroved upon.

Love it! More more more!

I would also weave in ..... I shall be making it clear to senior management that they should waste no time in promoting you!

..."I'd be grateful if you would forward the attached invoice to someone with the authority to approve it...."

"Thank you for your comments. It is most refreshing to find someone courageous enough stick their head above the parapet in this fashion. At the next stakeholder meeting, I would like to add an agenda item, that you could present your critique of the project directly to the executive sponsors. I have in the past tried to organise such a "challenge" session, but been unable to find someone brave enough to carry it out."

And ... I am sending you this really important deliverable that needs sign off. For your information.

How about,"Dear Mr CleggWith all due respect, Deputy Prime Minster is widely regarded as being a courtesy title rather than indicative of true seniority.I shall therefore be instructing my team of 100 consultants to continue working on the National ID Card project until I hear otherwise from someone in authority.PS. Could I ask that you pass the attached invoice to George Osbourne"

It has been an invaluable X months for me working with you as I have seen first hand the impact you have made to this project and on its success. Rest assured my colleagues and I will take away many key learnings from our interactions and use these lessons in future. Your personal culture of empowerment within the project has been an eye-opener and your willingness to take decisions far above your authority has been refreshing.I can honestly say that I doubt I will see your calibre of individual in the near future.(now depending on his ego he could be thanking you right now)