Hello everyone. I'm a bit of a nervous wreck. I'm technically competent and intelligent, but when it comes to "big" situations like interviews or presentations, I ramble and look/act nervous.As a kid, I spent most of my time on my own in the school library or other quiet areas like the IT room. I have always been a loner - I prefer to be on the 'outskirts' quietly thinking things through than right in the middle of it all. I do like company and being around people, but I prefer to have them around me passively rather than throwing myself into the middle of a crowd. I have a bit of a high pitched voice, I'm tall/weedy, I slouch, and I look like a 'victim' to use a friend's expression. I am very confident in my own abilities, but I think I project them to others very poorly. At school, the big kids instinctively knew to pick on me - somehow they just know instinctively that I'm an easy 'target'. I'm a bit of a 'nice guy' I guess.On the one hand I'm very shy and introverted. You could even say I have low self esteem. But on the other hand I have 100% confidence in my ability to actually "do" things and I don't get in the slightest bit nervous about things that other people would find difficult (e.g. in years gone by I had no problem whatsoever with going on 'blind dates' etc).Here's an example of how it all affects me. I'll put together a truly fantastic powerpoint presentation, with excellent structure and content, in 10 minutes flat - but when it comes to presenting it, I'll start rambling and talking gibberish. Therefore, people think I'm an idiot when in fact I do know my subject inside out - I just can't project a 'convincing' act. I don't know why I get so nervous - I think I feel overwhelmed about having to project my thoughts in real-time in a linear structure for instance - but I need to sort it out.Now, this isn't as big a problem for me as a MC as it might sound. I'm 35 years old and have developed 'coping' strategies which can work in both the short and long term. However, I now want to sort the problem out for good. What can I do? I'm fed up of people thinking I'm junior or a 'soft touch' simply because I don't have the hoo-hah that other more confident people have. I know I'll never exude self-confidence and charisma like Jonathan Ross or Robbie Williams do for example, but I'm fed up of people assuming I'm the tea boy when I give a presentation or walk into a room. What can I do?

Great post, let's hope the forum provides constructive suggestions.I am exactly the same, my natural shyness tends to overshadow my technical competance. I try to overcome this through good planning for meetings etc, so I create a good impression, but it's hard not to revert to type. In my early career this was not a problem as I was good at my job and so acheived good progression. Now that I'm more senior I seem to work with a lot more alpha-male types so my shy nature becomes much more obvious and this is starting to hold me back.What can I do?

Good posts and very familiar situations!I have found the following technique very useful in all sorts of situations. Its real strength is not just for the 1-off interview or whatever, which it also works for, but that once you've learned how to do it, you can do it again and again, so quickly it requires almost no effort.The activity I would recommend is an NLP technique known as the "Circle of Excellence". A pretty technical description is shown here:http://www.nlp.com.au/circle.htmIn essence, the technique suggests that you sit / stand somewhere quiet and project yourself into the situation you are likely to be in and worried about in the future - eg a presentation, job interview, etc.Then move around or do something different to break that thought process and ask yourself, what "resources" would you need, within yourself, to excel (or cope or whatever) in that situation? Examples of resources might be: humour, courage, confidence, self poise, self awareness, bluffness, sensitivity, active listening, thick skin, social adroitness etc etc etc.Once you've identified a whole load of these, pick the top 3 important ones. Bottom line: which 3 would allow you to achieve exactly what you want?Then remember situations when you experienced each one of these 3 resources individually in the past. This does not have to be in a similar context - eg if you choose humor, a night out with friends in the pub is just as good as cracking up your pre-teen nieces with your magic show and devastating wit. You don't need to have experienced this within any sort of work setting, although that would also be fine.Choose as memorable an experience as possible for each of the 3 resources - where you can relive the experience as strongly as possible. If you REALLY haven't got / can't think of an experience, imagine what it would be like to have it. Most people find this surprisingly easy - most of us have tried to imagine what you might do to the person queuing in front who won't move up if you had superpowers, for example.Now you have your 3 experiences, remember them all as clearly as possible, then project yourself forward once more, into the situation you are likely to be in and worried about in the future. How different would it be now? What will you see differently? What will it sound like? How does it feel?I have found this works really well, so would be interested to know if you agree / disagree.

Thanks John.That really works...

Hello Mr Nervous,I applaud your courageous post. Going on a blind date is nothing compared to throwing yourself on the mercy of some folks on here :)NLP-er provides some good suggestions for coping with pressure and shyness and potentially projecting some attributes given a certain situation.I assume you've been working in teams in the past. It would be interesting to look back on some of those experiences and see what role(s) you typically fulfil in the team(s). This may give you an insight into you prefered way of working in a group situation (Belbin did some work on this, so see if you can dig up a dummy Belbin test on the net - this will help you determine your prefered working style and role).I also note form your post that you have been called on to make presentations. How do you feel about this? You say your presentation skills leave something to be desired, but it's not clear whether you actually LIKE to do them or not (I know some hideous singers who love to sing - lack of talent notwithstanding!) If you don't like to do presentations, perhaps you can devolve the actual standing and talking to someone more comfortable in that situation, while you drive the structure and content of the deck. In my experience, there are not many presnetations that are single-person jobs. Usually they are developed by a team and one leads the presentation, with the others as backup for technical questions. This model might work well to ease you into the pressure situations - you may be called on to address one or two questions pertaining to the pres, but you won't carry the can for the whole thing. As your confidence builds over time, you could take on responsibility for presenting part of the deck and then, later still, be the lead presenter in other cases.There are also many excellent coaches who can help you with presentation skills and the like. There may even be current and former team members you can talk to about this to see where you need to strengthen your presentation and interpersonal skills.Fianl note: Don't forget we are often our own harshest critics, so the reality might not be as bad as you think.

You might want to think about joining a toastmaster's club, or public speaking competitions, or gate crashing a friend's party where you don't know anyone else. Start speaking to the ladies. Socialize, practice your "presentation skills" in front of a live audience, and have fun. More importantly, learn how to laugh at yourself so you don't get so nervous and tensed up all the time. If you can sell yourself (to the ladies), you can sell anything else (to your clients/colleagues)!

Brave post Mr Nervous, and my thoughts were on very similar lines to Boxershorts'. At 35 your going to struggle to fundamentally change who you are, but it might help to recognise that you have got skills that will be essential to a powerful team presentation/pitch. Let the the 'apha males' go in first and set the scene, raise interest, energy levels, whatever; yuo should step in for the bits you understand and the others don't - let the authority of your expertise speak with confidence. And if you understand your brief that well everyone will look to you when the client asks the 'killer question', as presumably you will have the best asnswer. Remember it's what you say that counts, even if people do form the majority of their opinion about people by the way they say it. Hope this helps.

A Great post and thanks for some helpful replies. As a non-native speaker, I found that it is particularly harder to control my nerve in those formal interviews/presentations. It is not about the doubt over the level of my English fluency. I guess it is all about how to market myself with the necessary confidence.